I cannot believe that it has been five years. Most people have stopped asking me about it. When I say it out loud I have mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel proud that I have lasted this long. Sometimes I am embarrassed that most people my age now have two and I still have none. Sometimes I am really mad that I waited so long to start TTC. I had to be the responsible one who waited until I had a house, job, was married. Sometimes I am very sad that I am 35 and have no hopes of ever having children.
I cannot believe that it has been 5 years without even one faint positive test. I have been to 4 doctors: obgyn, RE, Napro, and RI. I had 5 surgeries, and one procedure. I have spent tons of money on dr apts, medicines, supplements, etc. I have spent hours and hours searching the Internet for tests to take and treatments to try. I have stuck myself with countless needles. I have had tons of blood draws. We BD often and my DH likes to tell people that it is not for lack of trying. I watch my weight, eat right, and exercise.
All of my parts seem to be in working order. I have made huge improvements with my charts in the past two years. My charts are now perfect. My tebb has been gone for a while now. My p+7 numbers are great. I have even addressed blood clotting and other immune issues.
I am not sure how much more of this I can take. I have one more thing to try. I have spoken to my immune consultant about trying LDN. This is used in napro to treat endo, which I have. It is supposed to regulate the immune system. I have an apt with my napro dr in two weeks and I am going to ask him about it. Due to timing, I may have to start it next month.
I will give that a few months.Then unless something else new comes along. I think I have to give up.
I truly do not know how you've done this for 5 years, my heart aches for you as I write that sentence. Keeping you in my prayers as you try the LDN.
ReplyDeleteLong-term infertility is a lonely place. It's isolating and quite often shaming. It's exhausting emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually. It's hard work (all those doctors/treatments/procedures/drugs/blood draws/injections etc), and often that work goes unrewarded. I feel your pain. I hope the LDN works for you. I do know how difficult it is to keep going, and also how difficult it is to face the idea of stopping. Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you if you don't want yet another idea from somebody. But, I noticed you are on the East Coast and thought I would tell you that Dr. Jerome Check is actually a good doctor to consult with...he is an out of the box thinker in many ways...and, I know I needed his out of the box thinking in my case along with RI.
ReplyDeleteLittle JoAnn
I totally feel for you. We're nearing our seven year mark and I feel so done.
ReplyDeleteContinued prayers!
I have been TTC for 4 years (this cycle is #47), so I know how you feel. Age isn't an issue, since I just turned 30. Please don't beat yourself up about waiting because, in the end, it probably didn't affect the outcome.
ReplyDeleteI think most Drs, after a certain amount of time, just tend to throw their hands up with us primary IF/never m/c'd gals. The hardest part in all of this was, for me at least, not knowing if any of the treatments we were trying were actually even addressing the issue of why we couldn't conceive. In the end, it seems unlikely they were.
ReplyDeleteWhether you decide to plough forward or stop altogether, you know we will support your decision. This is a tough, tough place to be. My prayers are with you.
Good luck with LDN, I am curious to see how it turns out. 5 years! It is a tough road. I feel like you, but -2 years - good cycles, keeping healthy, not even a tiny bit of a faint line... hopefully LDN will do the trick.
ReplyDeleteYou continue to remain an inspiration to me. I am going on 4 years of TTC. Neupogen, HCG Trigger shot and Femara have only worsened my LUF syndrome. Onto possibly trying Lupron for the next cycle........
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you as you decide what your next steps will be.
My heart is breaking for you reading this post. Such a tough position to be in. You are so strong for going on as long as you have! You are in my prayers. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is not an anniversary to celebrate. I wish there were something I could do. I know LDN has worked for some gals and I pray it's your ticket out of IF land. It's so hard to have never had any success with NaPro. I haven't either. But I feel so much worse for you because you're doing everything right.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers. It's so hard figuring out what tp do sometimes. I pray God will give you guidance.
Thank you all for your kind words. I would not have been able to keep going if I did not have the blogging community to give me strength. I sincerely appreciate the support. IF is a very lonely issue to struggle with.
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