Last summer I made a new friend and we were both struggling with IF. Then she had her surgery with the same dr as me and then a few months later she got her bfp. I was truly happy for her, but it was a major sting to me that my surgery did not give me the same result. She was very compassionate about telling me and I was ok with it. I went to her baby shower.
We went to visit them for the first time since she had the baby. He is now 6 months old. I cannot believe how time flies. He was a very mellow baby which helped. We were able to carry on a conversation. I interacted with him. I held him and felt good about it.
Later on she asked me how things were going. All of a sudden I felt extremely shy about it. I did not want to discuss it with her any more. It is amazing bc last summer we were talking all about napro, our surgeries etc. Now I wanted to avoid this topic like the plague. It was awkward that she was sitting there with her baby on her lap while I have no chance of ever having my own.
I have no hope and talking about it would make me cry, so I just told her ya know the same old situation. Then she asked me about adopting. UGH I was just so uncomfortable. I don't even know what I said. She got the hint eventually and changed the subject. I know that she was trying to be good. She has been very sensitive towards me, but now she is on the other side.
She mentioned getting AF even though she is nursing. She said it is bc her baby sleeps though the night. She is not going back to work.
School starts back up in a few days.We have a new teacher evaluation system starting so I have a lot of meetings during the first two days to learn all about it. I have a lot to do to get ready. My dh said I will feel better once I get back into my classroom with my students. I don't want to get a big head, but I do have some more confidence now that I got that excellent rating. Last year started with a lot of drama. I had a major meltdown. This year, I hope to have a solid calm start.
Totally understood what you've gone through. Been on this path for the last 5 years like you with a few operations. If we are still under treatment, ie. there is still hope. Wish you have a great start with the school! Will remember you in my daily pray. Take care. Alice.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the start of your year, we have had kids for 2 weeks and I was exhausted almost every night!
ReplyDeleteAnd I use the same "you know, same old thing" answer all the time. When you don't want to talk you don't want to talk, even if it is someone who you have shared more with in the past.
Such a great thing that you visited your friend and held her baby. It is a HUGE step (one that I'd have a hard time doing). I'm sorry it turned out so uncomfortable in the end.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to believe another school year is here again! Hoping you have a wonderful class!!
I get this. Absolutely. I feel it all the time, with friends and patients, alike. It's kinda like, we used to be in the same world as these former IFs, though usually different countries (us speaking the language of reproductive immunology, pathology, and multiple surgeries and they speaking the language of Clomid and FertileAid)... But still, we shared something.
ReplyDeleteAnd now... Yeah, I give that answer ALL the time. Except, I usually don't mean it. I mean, the preface, "you know,..." implies that they know... And so often, they don't.