WHOOHOO I am so excited. I just got an email that they accepted my pre application. I also got my access code for the online portal. YEAH. I feel so official.
There is a huge form to fill out online but I can work on it and save the draft as I go. She told me that it was equal to 6 printed pages. I had to take a quick look. I know 99% of what they want, so I should be able to hammer this one out this weekend.
The portal is really cool. I have been assigned my own specialist. There is a check list and it shows which steps I have completed and what is next. LOVE IT.
I hope you are going to be excited with me too as I check items off of my list.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
First Form in the Mail
This past cycle was 26 days long. Woohoo. I will take it. I think last month was 32 days. This is my second month in a row off of progesterone. In the past when I was off of it, I would have a 21 days cycle. In my new attempt to move on, I wanted to break free from all fertility meds if possible.
My cycle was very light which is also a bonus. I only had one heavy day where you have to watch what you wear and do etc. Zero cramps. YEAH!!! So if I am going to be IF at least I will be able to brag about my great AF...HAHAHAHHA Don't worry I won't post that one to FB. =)
I am doing pretty good with moving on....I still think this will take time. I am very excited but I have to admit that I did cry about it once this month..... Hey I am getting better....small steps.
We mailed in our first form with a check of $50. I have to admit that I held out until AF showed just in case....This is the pre-application form. Once they get this I will get access to an online portal and will then fill out a 6 page online form.
I have not told my mom yet. I am not sure why. I guess for normal people when they get a BFP, they wait a little while to tell people. I guess I still cannot believe it it real. Maybe I want to make a special announcement???? I kinda feel like this is some sort of adoptive parent BFP, where I am really excited but not sure that this will happen or not. So I'm not ready to to tell too many people yet. Thinking about how and when I will tell everyone etc.
When I have told my friends they have been supportive. They are getting me pumped up about feeling hopeful and excited. I have joked with them about needing to hold fundraisers....but I was serious. This is going to be expensive so I have to start thinking about what I want to do.
One of my co-workers who wants to adopt asked for maternity leave and was denied. I was shocked and could not believe that they would discriminate like that. Our contract and our state does not mandate paid maternity leave. Our school has always allowed women to take sick time up to 6 weeks paid. I just assumed I would be able to use my time. I have been saving my time for years to use for a maternity leave. This is another reason why I am not ready to go totally public.
My cycle was very light which is also a bonus. I only had one heavy day where you have to watch what you wear and do etc. Zero cramps. YEAH!!! So if I am going to be IF at least I will be able to brag about my great AF...HAHAHAHHA Don't worry I won't post that one to FB. =)
I am doing pretty good with moving on....I still think this will take time. I am very excited but I have to admit that I did cry about it once this month..... Hey I am getting better....small steps.
We mailed in our first form with a check of $50. I have to admit that I held out until AF showed just in case....This is the pre-application form. Once they get this I will get access to an online portal and will then fill out a 6 page online form.
I have not told my mom yet. I am not sure why. I guess for normal people when they get a BFP, they wait a little while to tell people. I guess I still cannot believe it it real. Maybe I want to make a special announcement???? I kinda feel like this is some sort of adoptive parent BFP, where I am really excited but not sure that this will happen or not. So I'm not ready to to tell too many people yet. Thinking about how and when I will tell everyone etc.
When I have told my friends they have been supportive. They are getting me pumped up about feeling hopeful and excited. I have joked with them about needing to hold fundraisers....but I was serious. This is going to be expensive so I have to start thinking about what I want to do.
One of my co-workers who wants to adopt asked for maternity leave and was denied. I was shocked and could not believe that they would discriminate like that. Our contract and our state does not mandate paid maternity leave. Our school has always allowed women to take sick time up to 6 weeks paid. I just assumed I would be able to use my time. I have been saving my time for years to use for a maternity leave. This is another reason why I am not ready to go totally public.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
New Garage Door
We bought our house ten years ago and it was a fixer upper. Every year we made a large improvement. Recently this pace had to slow down due to money being used for treatments.
My mom gave us some money last month. She said that she was probably not going to have to pay for a baby shower like she did for my sister so she wanted me to have the money.....YIKES I know. She was trying to be nice, but it still burned. I did not tell her that I was going to start the adoption process. In fact she offered the money right around the same time. I was going to drop it all in the adoption fund, but we had been saving for awhile and I thought we could use some for ourselves now.
I decided to get a new garage door. Yep I am very excited about this. The old one was original to the house. It was rotting and the opener was totally busted. We even had to lock the door with a bicycle chain lock. It looked terrible from the outside too. Rodents were getting in without even trying.
When we realized we could afford to do it, I was so excited. It was also nice to want something and know that you can have it. It was expensive bc it was all rotted and we had to gut the whole thing out and start over. This included the door frame.
Once we moved all the stuff out of the way for them to install it, I realized that I had never in ten years painted the walls. OMG they were black with dirt. It was a nice day over the weekend, so I was able to open the door. I painted the walls bright white. It was so great. Now it looks so nice and clean. I have a keypad outside where I can open the door. It closes on its own. It is very quiet. The door locks and unlocks with the touch of a button. It is such a luxury.
I am very grateful to be able to fix this. I am trying to make sure that I stop and think about the things that I do have and not the ones that are missing from my life.
I am still giddy when I press the button to open or close the door. I am trying to focus on being happy and living in the moment.
I have been pretty good about not staring at bellies. I caught myself a few times. I am honestly starting to be ok with this and accepting my fate. I am much happier for the moment.
When someone tells me that someone is PG or just gave birth, my response is still, ok great. But hey small baby steps.
My DH wanted one month to sit with the adoption forms and really think about this commitment. We are going to fill out the initial form this weekend. =)
Let this crazy journey begin!!!!!
My mom gave us some money last month. She said that she was probably not going to have to pay for a baby shower like she did for my sister so she wanted me to have the money.....YIKES I know. She was trying to be nice, but it still burned. I did not tell her that I was going to start the adoption process. In fact she offered the money right around the same time. I was going to drop it all in the adoption fund, but we had been saving for awhile and I thought we could use some for ourselves now.
I decided to get a new garage door. Yep I am very excited about this. The old one was original to the house. It was rotting and the opener was totally busted. We even had to lock the door with a bicycle chain lock. It looked terrible from the outside too. Rodents were getting in without even trying.
When we realized we could afford to do it, I was so excited. It was also nice to want something and know that you can have it. It was expensive bc it was all rotted and we had to gut the whole thing out and start over. This included the door frame.
Once we moved all the stuff out of the way for them to install it, I realized that I had never in ten years painted the walls. OMG they were black with dirt. It was a nice day over the weekend, so I was able to open the door. I painted the walls bright white. It was so great. Now it looks so nice and clean. I have a keypad outside where I can open the door. It closes on its own. It is very quiet. The door locks and unlocks with the touch of a button. It is such a luxury.
I am very grateful to be able to fix this. I am trying to make sure that I stop and think about the things that I do have and not the ones that are missing from my life.
I am still giddy when I press the button to open or close the door. I am trying to focus on being happy and living in the moment.
I have been pretty good about not staring at bellies. I caught myself a few times. I am honestly starting to be ok with this and accepting my fate. I am much happier for the moment.
When someone tells me that someone is PG or just gave birth, my response is still, ok great. But hey small baby steps.
My DH wanted one month to sit with the adoption forms and really think about this commitment. We are going to fill out the initial form this weekend. =)
Let this crazy journey begin!!!!!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
New Cycle Pattern
Since I am now moving on to adoption, I no longer chart. I no longer worry about TTC. There have been many freeing moments. No more rushing to the dr in the middle of my work day. No more worrying about ordering meds, taking meds, etc. In fact, I stopped taking all meds, I even stopped taking my vitamins. I wanted to experience freedom from all aspects of IF.
Due to my short post peak phase. I usually take progesterone post peak. For me this is about CD15. This month I totally forgot. I remembered around CD20. My thought was oh well whatever which was very freeing. I had a wedding coming up later this month so I thought AF would show up early. In the few times that I did not take progesterone, my cycle would only last 3 weeks.
Well CD 21 came and went with no sign of AF. Then I got to CD28. Then it was a day later and I started to freak out. First I got excited and thought some miracle happened. You know bc I stopped everything and gave up. Then two days later, I got back into reality and thought maybe it was menopause.
I finally told my DH and asked him if we should test. He said no, wait for another week. UGH it was driving me nuts. He said that most likely after stopping all my meds and vitamins, my body went into some type of shock.
He was probably right. Before napro I always had 28 day cycles but my peak day was late around cd 21. With napro my peak day moved up to 15 but I would only have 21 day cycles without meds. So now I could be having a totally normal cycle or just a delayed peak.
Who knows??? Honestly I don't care. I made the decision to move on and I am standing by it.
Well AF finally showed up 4 days late. For normal people that is probably not really late. But for me who was always on time or early, this was major. Now af is here the day before the wedding. UGH
I am not sure if this will be my new cycle pattern or if it will change again. I have not decided which vitamins I want to go back on. I liked to idea of being free from progesterone suppositions but they gave me control over af.
Due to my short post peak phase. I usually take progesterone post peak. For me this is about CD15. This month I totally forgot. I remembered around CD20. My thought was oh well whatever which was very freeing. I had a wedding coming up later this month so I thought AF would show up early. In the few times that I did not take progesterone, my cycle would only last 3 weeks.
Well CD 21 came and went with no sign of AF. Then I got to CD28. Then it was a day later and I started to freak out. First I got excited and thought some miracle happened. You know bc I stopped everything and gave up. Then two days later, I got back into reality and thought maybe it was menopause.
I finally told my DH and asked him if we should test. He said no, wait for another week. UGH it was driving me nuts. He said that most likely after stopping all my meds and vitamins, my body went into some type of shock.
He was probably right. Before napro I always had 28 day cycles but my peak day was late around cd 21. With napro my peak day moved up to 15 but I would only have 21 day cycles without meds. So now I could be having a totally normal cycle or just a delayed peak.
Who knows??? Honestly I don't care. I made the decision to move on and I am standing by it.
Well AF finally showed up 4 days late. For normal people that is probably not really late. But for me who was always on time or early, this was major. Now af is here the day before the wedding. UGH
I am not sure if this will be my new cycle pattern or if it will change again. I have not decided which vitamins I want to go back on. I liked to idea of being free from progesterone suppositions but they gave me control over af.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Orientation Information
I finally had a moment to sit down and share my thoughts about the adoption orientation. It was very overwhelming so I needed time to sort it all out.
The overall experience was good. I walked away with a lot of knowledge and a feeling that this agency is organized. I have a checklist of about 18 steps. The first one was orientation so I was happy to get something checked off.
It was hard for me to sit there for an hour and a half and listen to the social worker. She went over domestic and international. I almost cried a few times. Some of the times it was for me and my loss and the others were for the poor children who are abandoned and or neglected.
She asked us what we wanted and we had no idea in terms of race, age, etc. I said that I did not need an infant that I was ok with 0-3 years old. Then she said that the older they are, the harder it is to bond with that child bc they could have PTS.
It takes $50 to get the process started. Then comes $450 and 6 pages of forms. Then we get fingerprinted and they investigate the two of us. We have to get 7 letters of reference. They visit our house and we have to go into their office for a few visits. I am sure that there are more details I am forgetting. I just remember looking down at the final price of $28,000 and almost passing out.
After we are cleared to be fit to adopt, we make a photo book for the birth mothers to look at. The sw showed us some books from couples who were already matched. She said that the BM will look at a few books and will most likely want to meet us before making her choice.
She said that most of them want a open adoption. She said it varies but most of them want photos and/or annual visits for the first 18 years. This was another topic we were not ready to make a decision on yet.
We decided to wait until next month to commit to this agency. My dh wanted time to ask around and see if there were any other agencies. Also, she told us not to fill out the first form until we were ready to make the hard choices and go guns blazing. She only takes up to 20 couples at a time and does not want anyone who is wishy washy signed up.
The overall experience was good. I walked away with a lot of knowledge and a feeling that this agency is organized. I have a checklist of about 18 steps. The first one was orientation so I was happy to get something checked off.
It was hard for me to sit there for an hour and a half and listen to the social worker. She went over domestic and international. I almost cried a few times. Some of the times it was for me and my loss and the others were for the poor children who are abandoned and or neglected.
She asked us what we wanted and we had no idea in terms of race, age, etc. I said that I did not need an infant that I was ok with 0-3 years old. Then she said that the older they are, the harder it is to bond with that child bc they could have PTS.
It takes $50 to get the process started. Then comes $450 and 6 pages of forms. Then we get fingerprinted and they investigate the two of us. We have to get 7 letters of reference. They visit our house and we have to go into their office for a few visits. I am sure that there are more details I am forgetting. I just remember looking down at the final price of $28,000 and almost passing out.
After we are cleared to be fit to adopt, we make a photo book for the birth mothers to look at. The sw showed us some books from couples who were already matched. She said that the BM will look at a few books and will most likely want to meet us before making her choice.
She said that most of them want a open adoption. She said it varies but most of them want photos and/or annual visits for the first 18 years. This was another topic we were not ready to make a decision on yet.
We decided to wait until next month to commit to this agency. My dh wanted time to ask around and see if there were any other agencies. Also, she told us not to fill out the first form until we were ready to make the hard choices and go guns blazing. She only takes up to 20 couples at a time and does not want anyone who is wishy washy signed up.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Attended the orientation today
I had my adoption orientation today. It was almost two hours long. It was very emotionally draining. I will write more about it next time. It does give me hope. I am very excited.
I got home today all pumped up and then I saw a letter from Reprosource. It was a bill from a blood test I had last November. YUP almost one year ago. It was really crappy to get a reminder of my failures today. I am trying so hard to move on.
It was for $850. Oh but they are giving me a discount if I pay by 9/23. I have had many tests run by then over the course of a few years and they were all covered 100%, so I am not sure what happened. I will have to email my contact who was always very nice to me and see what the deal is.
UGH so I am wondering if anyone had this happen to them by Reprosource or any other dr etc.
I got home today all pumped up and then I saw a letter from Reprosource. It was a bill from a blood test I had last November. YUP almost one year ago. It was really crappy to get a reminder of my failures today. I am trying so hard to move on.
It was for $850. Oh but they are giving me a discount if I pay by 9/23. I have had many tests run by then over the course of a few years and they were all covered 100%, so I am not sure what happened. I will have to email my contact who was always very nice to me and see what the deal is.
UGH so I am wondering if anyone had this happen to them by Reprosource or any other dr etc.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Adoption Orientation
After SIX long years, I finally made an apt for adoption orientation. I am very excited. I finally accepted the fact that I am almost 37 and I truly want to be a mother. I have gone above and beyond to make this work and it appears that I am just not capable.
It was really hard for me to give up the dream of having a child that would be the blend of my DH and myself. To give up bonding for nine months, give up experiencing something that most women have and bond with other women too.
I had many fears of adopting but I finally decided that I have to just take a leap of faith. I feel free. I started to look on the bright side that I won't have to stretch my body out, ruin my bladder, deal with childbirth etc.
I bought some new clothes and I finally got rid of all my fat pants that I had been saving for the day that I got my BFP. When I went to Target I decided not to look at bellies anymore. I have to admit I was obsessed. I am trying not to be jealous of bumps anymore. I have been pretty good about it.
I started to tell my friends and of course the first words out of their mouths were......................
well of course you will get a BFP as soon as you adopt. ERGHHH now I know they are trying to be nice, but I finally accepted after SIX long years that I will not ever get a bfp so I don't want to hear about it. I want to move on.
When I called, the woman started asking me questions about what I wanted. (domestic vs international etc) I got a little overwhelmed. I told her that I was just starting out and I had no idea.
I feel so happy bc I think that this might actually happen some day. I used to think waiting a year was a long time. Well after waiting 6 I can handle one more.
I stopped getting the daily emails for all my IF forums. I need to start looking for adoption resources like forums etc. If anyone has any suggestions let me know.
It was really hard for me to give up the dream of having a child that would be the blend of my DH and myself. To give up bonding for nine months, give up experiencing something that most women have and bond with other women too.
I had many fears of adopting but I finally decided that I have to just take a leap of faith. I feel free. I started to look on the bright side that I won't have to stretch my body out, ruin my bladder, deal with childbirth etc.
I bought some new clothes and I finally got rid of all my fat pants that I had been saving for the day that I got my BFP. When I went to Target I decided not to look at bellies anymore. I have to admit I was obsessed. I am trying not to be jealous of bumps anymore. I have been pretty good about it.
I started to tell my friends and of course the first words out of their mouths were......................
well of course you will get a BFP as soon as you adopt. ERGHHH now I know they are trying to be nice, but I finally accepted after SIX long years that I will not ever get a bfp so I don't want to hear about it. I want to move on.
When I called, the woman started asking me questions about what I wanted. (domestic vs international etc) I got a little overwhelmed. I told her that I was just starting out and I had no idea.
I feel so happy bc I think that this might actually happen some day. I used to think waiting a year was a long time. Well after waiting 6 I can handle one more.
I stopped getting the daily emails for all my IF forums. I need to start looking for adoption resources like forums etc. If anyone has any suggestions let me know.
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