It took us about a week but we finally completed step 4 out of 18. WOOOOHOOOO
This was the formal online application. We printed it out first to make it easier to work with. That is when I realized it was 8 pages long. I understand that they want to check us out to make sure we are fit to raise a child. I don't understand why they need to know how old my mom is or what her occupation is. Do they really need to know how many siblings I have? I had to stop and laugh bc the only question they did not ask was when I had my LMP.
At first it was no big deal. I was able to quickly type in my address, date of marriage, etc. Then after a few days of filling in personal details to prove that I am worthy, some emotions started to flare up. It is really hard to fill out a form to prove you are worthy and not think about all of the people who just pop out multiple kids and do not take care of them. They don't have to prove anything. Even after they have a few, they are still alowed to make more.
We started to worry that we are not good enough. Question after question started to cause more panic. They even wanted to know what medications you are taking. My dh said that they can get a list of your prescriptions so you have to be 100% honest. He is taking a medication to help him deal with all of this stress. So of course I started to panic that this would cause an issue.
I spoke to a few people and I got a mixed response. Most were supportive and told me that this was just to screen out the jerks and that we are a desirable couple due to me being a teacher. I was shocked when someone said "well you knew what you signed up for" WHAT OMG, REALLY? Well I definitely did not sign up to be infertile. I did not sign up to beg for someone to give me their child. I signed up to be a mother.
DH and I both agreed that we have no choice so we just have to push forward and have faith. If we are not worthy, then we will cross that bridge when we come to it. We finally hit the send button last night.
Now we wait to hear back to see if they accept my application. So far they have been really good with quick turn around time. I will give them one week before I follow up with them.
The next step is #5 "paper application, prints, medicals, fee agreement"
I think the application process is so hard because they pry into so much of your life. I know that if we ever do take the step toward adoption or foster care more seriously we will need to prepare ourselves. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteYes, even though I have nothing to hide, I feel like my personal space is being invaded. I understand that over all these rules are put in place to protect children, but it is still hard. I try to keep my focus on the end goal.
DeleteI also had massive amounts of anxiety and stress when filling out the application. I was also convinced that we would be rejected for one reason or another. Something that helped me is to remember that I actually wouldn't want to live in a society where biological parents had to fill out paperwork to get permission to breed. Even if people don't use that gift responsibly, it would be wrong to force people to use contraception. (Think China.)
ReplyDeleteWith adoption, there really are perverts, creeps, pedophiles, abusers etc., who would love to get their hands on an innocent child. Agencies and states have a vested interest in making sure that these people don't adopt!
You and your DH aren't any of the above. Some anti-depressant use is really no big deal, especially for infertility veterans. Major depression, suicidal impulses, etc. would be a big problem. At worst, they would ask you to provide a letter from your therapist or psychologist verifying that your DH's anxiety is well-managed and wouldn't impact his ability to parent a child.
My DH is also on a psychiatric med, and it wasn't a problem for our adoption.
Thank you for your honest feedback. It makes me feel better. Now, we wait and see what happens with my application.
DeleteI love the new picture for your blog header! But I can't think of a good name ... let me think on that ... :-)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when there are SO many questions ... and forms ... and doctors appointments - and I think / thought the same ... why do *I* have to do so much when I have already done so much (re: infertility). Take that determination & stubbornness & tenacity you took during all your IF treatments -- it will help you fight through all the hoops to jump through. It will be worth it.
I wouldn't worry too much, as Sarah said, about the med list. Just more stupid paperwork. :-) You'll be just fine!
CONGRATS on Step 4!!!
THANKS!!!! Yes tenacity is key. Maybe I need to work that into my blog title. I am going to call on Monday to follow up and see if there is anything else I can do while they sort through my paperwork.
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