First Profile Showing part 2

I was tired of waiting, so I emailed the SW. She wrote me back one sentence. Something like the BM chose another family, sorry... let's move forward. No feedback, just a sentence. I did not really expect much due to her personality.

So know we know. At least now I can relax.  There are a lot of crazy things going on in the next few weeks, so on one hand I am relieved that we did not get picked.....but that is me trying to stay positive. It would have been nuts, but we would have dropped everything  and made it work. I am disappointed that we did not get picked. =(

It was my first showing so I did not expect to get picked. It was a crazy tww trying to think about it actually happening for once. It is so wild that I could have brought home a baby next month.

My hope is that now we have had our first showing, more will come.

First Profile Showing

Last week, the SW emailed me to ask me if she could show my profile. This was the first time she asked. I was so excited to finally get a chance. We read over the case. It is confidential so I can't really tell you much. When you sign up to adopt, you have to check off yes, no, maybe for tons of items. The SW said that many people have many issues and you never know how truthful they are so there are no real guarantees.

This case seemed to fit within our comfort zone. There were a few items that could become future issues, but there were also many that were missing which was good.  We decided to give it a chance and said yes.

She is due next month. That gave us many emotions all at once. We were scared to get picked, scared not to get picked. Excited at the chance to become parents, scared that we would become parents in less than a month. She could also go into labor early.........

I felt totally unprepared. OMG it was nuts. We had to just put it all in God's hands and not worry. She may not even pick us.

That was ten days ago. I have no idea how long they give the BM to pick. I would love it if the SW would even just let us know if we are still in the running, if she had narrowed it down a bit and excluded us etc. I understand that this is a really important decision for the BM, but it is also a life changing decision for us. I feel like I'm in another dreaded 2ww.

If anyone has any experience with this, please let me know what time frame is normal to expect a response. Does the SW usually tell you if you are not picked?

Confession

I have a confession to make. I gave into the TTC temptation and I regret it. Now that I am over it, I can write about it. I am much happier now that it has passed.

A few months back when I was just about ready to get approved to adopt, someone who I never thought would get pregnant did. It was a miracle for her. I was truly happy for her. But then it hit me. I had accepted that some women just don't get pregnant for unknown reasons. She was one of them. It threw me off that she finally got pregnant after years of not trying anymore. She did two things differently. One her DH got some testosterone treatment and the other was to take a supplement.

I could not control the urge to try something new. So I took the same supplement in hopes that it would be my miracle cure. The first month seemed fine. I had a 28 day cycle and no symptoms. The next cycle was crazy and I had symptoms to make me ponder. I had mid cycle spotting. Then I had intense sore nipples in the 2ww. I mean they were out of control. I was in so much pain. They could have cut glass. I started to have some early spotting, but then AF came on day 25.

I was going to try the supplement for the third month, but then I decided that it was enough. I was tired of riding the roller coaster. I stopped the supplement and then I realized that it had made me incredibly constipated. I usually battle that issue, but once I stopped the supplement I was so regular and I started to get my appetite back. I heard my stomach growl for the first time in a while. AF came again on day 25. This month my nipples were not sore at all.

I know you are thinking that having no appetite is great, but for me it makes me gain weight bc when I am not hungry I don't want to eat anything healthy. I ate a lot of ice cream, bread, and other junk food and gained 15 pounds. I have lost 5 this month.

I also got an email last week about a possible case. I will write about that in my next post.