Home Visit

I have been dreading this post for a while. I have spoken to my friends and co workers about it. Hopefully you will all say the same things. I really need some encouragement. I usually try to keep my posts short, but it was impossible this time.

We had the third interview for the home study. This was the home visit. When we had our last interview I felt mostly comfortable with the SW. She said that we were a cute couple and that unless we had some major issue in our home she was going to approve us. I made a joke about how I am a teacher and I have "teacher piles" in my home. She said it was fine.

During the course of our interviews we have always given her our best effort and our best impression. We wanted her to know that we are stable. We have been together for about 20 years. We have lived in our house for 10 years. We both have had the same job for about 10 years. I thought that she would have been really impressed. She made comments about how we can't get stuck in our ways bc a child will totally change it all. I understand that she is trying to prepare us, but it is just hard to constantly have someone criticize you.

I cleaned my house, but I decided that I wanted to show her that I was not OCD, not perfect, and that I was a real person who could handle having a messy child in my home.  I cleaned the bathrooms, kitchen, did the dishes, vacuumed, swept, etc. I left my teacher piles stacked neatly as well as a few other items.

When she came into my home, she walked in and sat down at the dining room table. I had cleaned it all off except for a small basket of vitamins. She noticed them and made a comment about how it was unsafe for a child. I was shocked bc I had explicitly asked in the past about the need to have the nursery set up and they said no.

She said that the state wants to see a play area. That is why she had such an issue with our living room. I  finally told her that we have had pets in the past. When we had the pet, the downstairs looked totally different bc we had to make space for his needs. We also let the pet run around supervised so we could not have things on the floor. I also said that when our friends come over with kids, we move stuff off the cofffe table etc.

She went on to complain about tons of stupid small items, like my teacher piles and the basket of paper my dh keeps by the table for recycling. She told me to throw them out. . It would have been one thing to just say that once the child is here, make sure you have ample play space. She was very rude and insulting to me. She spoke to me like I am an idiot.

She asked if my house was child proofed. I said of course not.  She asked us about our child care plans. I told her that after 7 years, I am not going to put myself through that. She got upset and said that we were being negative and that we need to expect that this could happen at any moment. I told her that I am going to evolve with this situation as it unfolds. She asked us how we would keep the child safe from the internet. She asked us so many what if questions, I started to get really annoyed, but I had to hide it.

She eventually said that my house was too small and we have outgrown it. I was shocked. My house its not large, but it is not tiny.  We have three bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms. It is larger than the house I grew up in except I don't have a basement.  I am not Donna Reed, but I am not going to show up on hoarders either.

I told her that we were saving to buy a house but then we had to shift our focus to saving for an adoption. I was so insulted bc of course I would love to have a larger house, but I thought I was being responsible with my money. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So after she left, I was crushed. I cried about it bc I felt that I could not do this. I felt so inadequate and so defeated.

It has been a few weeks and I am still upset. I know that I am so close to getting my home study approved. I have to just do it.  I think these are the final things left to do: a will, legal guardian, fire extinguisher, child care plan. After that I need to reevaluate if I want to continue with this agency or not.