OMG I am so furious, so I have to vent here where I can feel safe and not do any major damage.
We sent corrections to the SW. We corrected misspellings, and some minor factual info. Then we made some suggestions on how to make the information say the same things but nicer. For example saying my father was a good provider instead of saying that "he only provided income". I took about the part about my sister being materialistic bc I felt that is really had no place.
She wrote me back today to say that she fixed factual errors but kept the rest. OMG I was so furious. REALLY??? I have kept my mouth shut this whole time bc I have to. This is ridiculous.
Then I emailed her back and simply requested that she send me a final copy and I asked her who was going to see this report.
She writes me back with her phone number and asked me to call her to discuss this. REALLY??
There is no way that I am going to call her right now when I am so mad. What does she need to discuss? I really have no say in anything anyway. If she sent the report, she sent it. I am not sure what the big deal is to give me a final draft. I think I have a right to see it.
Why won't she tell me who is going to see it? I didn't think that she made me or my family look good, so I wanted to make sure that births parents don't see it.
UGH... So I started to search the net for other agencies to work with. It stinks bc most of them want an application and $200 or more. I am so sick of forms. I am sick of wasting time. I am tired of my dad asking me when I am getting a baby.
I really don't like my SW. I hope that this home study gets done soon bc I don't feel comfortable with this agency.
I sent an email to one agency asking about the procedure if I had a home study already completed. Hopfully it will not be that involved bc I can't take anymore with this lady.
Thank you for listening. I needed to vent.
I haven't seen the report our sw wrote up after our interviews either. I didn't see it with the last agency as well.. I found out when we transferred our h.s from the last agency to this new one..that most agencies don't let the families see what they write. The expectant parents don't see it either. The expectant parents only see your letter to them and your profile. You should have copies of those to keep for yourselves. I hope this helps ease your anger some.
ReplyDeleteThank you. My biggest worry was that the birthparents would see this and think I'm a horrible person. My second concern was that this SW broke my trust. I feel uncomfortable working with someone who feels it it ok to make me look stupid. At first I thought maybe she did not realize what it sounds like. Now I know that she does not care. I'm am so close so I am not sure if I can really go through starting over with another agency. I am so frustrated.
DeleteI agree that your sw doesn't sound professional at all. She should have explained to you what the expectant parents will see...her report is just for the state/lawyer when you adopt. I truly believe that if she felt you and your dh were not fit to adopt she would have to tell you that in person...and not write that in a report. Her job is to help grow your family. If you don't trust her objectives...then it is best for you to search somewhere else. You need her to be your advocate since she'll be the one showing your profiles to potential birth parents. You should be able to transfer your h.s to another agency. There might be some additional fees (for copying and mailing)....but probably worth it. I didn't have any issues with the s.w. in the new agency we are working with or with Cath Charities...they both wanted us to grow our family. Praying you find answers as you search your options.
DeleteSo sorry this is happening. It's so hard being in a vulnerable position with others "judging" you. I pray that this woman and the agency see you and your husband for who you are: a wonderful couple who would make wonderful parents! Just a thought: If I was reading a report about a family and everything was positive, all peachy- I would be suspicious that the family was holding back and not telling the truth. Maybe, just maybe, the parts of the story that aren't as flattering, make you believable and real. Who the heck knows, just throwing it out there.
ReplyDeleteUghhh! I am so sorry. Tell me this... is she really young? Because she sounds like she just got her license to practice and is on a power trip. Social workers are trained to focus on strengths and picking you apart like this and spinning everything negatively seems very unprofessional. We switched agencies because our local B. basically dropped their infant program and said we'd have to find our own match. no way. We've been very happy with our new route. Let me know if you want info.
ReplyDeleteI would be livid!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Glad you have this space to vent!
ReplyDeleteWow, that's awful. I didn't think your family members were on trial in a home study...you can't control their actions or decisions anyway! (Thinking of good friends who have had difficult family lives but are wonderful people.) Not that there's anything wrong with your family, or anything so important that it needs to be there in the report! What a headache. I hope things get better soon!
ReplyDeleteThank you for listening to me vent and for leaving a comment. It helps me to deal with this situation.
ReplyDelete