I had to leave that packet on my table for a few days. I could not even open it up. I had a nice holiday with my DH's family. We told them about how we are working on getting approved to adopt. They were supportive.
A few days later I had a night were I could not sleep. I woke up at 4 am and decided that I would work on some forms. The checklist that was on top included about 30 items. There were forms for basic information, medical, fingerprints, things that we need copies of such as a marriage certificate, and agency items such as reading books, fire safety etc.
I took out all the forms and filled in our names, addresses, DOB, etc for all of them. Even though it was kind of annoying and the teacher in me felt that it was not very organized that we had already filled out that info on the online form, I thought it would be easy for me to do at this moment and get the ball rolling.
I spent about an hour filling out basic info on these forms. Then I put them away. That was last week. There are a few forms that require more thought such as income etc that DH will have to deal with. They also wanted me to fill out my references again. UGH. Well at least I have that info on my online form. I am trying to be good and think about it as the 8 page online form was my prep/rough draft for these real forms.
We had to order a few books about adoption and then we have to go into the office to discuss them. I went to amazon to look them up and the tears started flowing. It was really hard for me. I picked out 4. Two were books to read to a child and 2 were for adults to read.
The books came in yesterday. When I opened the box and saw them. I started crying again. I am not sure why exactly. I feel sad for these children. I feel sad for the birth moms, I feel sad for me. I feel scared about feeling hope that this will happen. I have been disappointed many times.
I read the first picture book quickly and then I moved on to a larger novel. I read about half of it. It was really great and made me feel normal about what I am going through. This book was written for families of adoptive parents. So far it looks really great. I am thinking about sending a copy to my parents and maybe copy a few good pages for other family members.
I decided that I will do book reviews in the future and add a book list section to my blog.
It seems that this packet is my application for a home study. It will be a lot of work, but I think that this should hopefully be the bulk of the paperwork.