Sunday, April 27, 2014

PSA video questions to ask adoptive parents

I just came across this video and I had to share. Here are some quotes from the article.

"Butterworth, 36, and his wife Marisa are the parents of two biological sons. They always wanted to adopt, so daughter Harper – who is almost 2 and was born in Ethiopia – joined the family more than a year ago.

Butterworth was inspired to create the tutorial after one of their first outings with Harper, to a restaurant where the waitress peppered the Butterworths with some of the inappropriate questions featured in the video.
“I really, really, really don’t think that people are trying to be mean” Butterworth told TODAY Moms.

“People are curious — that’s human nature and it’s natural to ask questions… so we were thinking, what’s a way that we could help people just put language around it?”"

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Second Interview

Wow it's been a month since my last post. Sorry to be  a slacker. Life has been busy.
We had our second interview for the home study a few weeks back. I was not in love with the outcome so I avoided blogging about it.

This time we were separated which is  a requirement by state law. My dh went first. While they were talking  I read magazines. The secretary speaks to me off and on. He was in there for about an hour.

When it was my turn, she asked me some questions and I knew all the answers bc they were mostly about me. Then she had a ton of what if questions. I did my best to answer them but I told her that there are so many variables and I don't know what that child's personality is going to be.  I understand that she wants us to be prepared but she started to scare me. She mentioned how bm will lie about drug and alcohol use. She kept going on about what if this happens or what if the baby is like this.

UGH it took us 5 years of marriage, buying  a house, getting good jobs etc before we were ready to start to a family. We have always been super responsible. Lately we have been trying more relaxed and "just cross that bridge when we get to it" instead of freaking out about it. Now she wanted us to basically predict every issue that may come up between birth and college.

At the end we were both drained. We each had about an hour privately and then she spoke to us again for about a half hour. I have been asked a million times now about what type of child I am willing to adopt. We already filled out the whole page about race, gender, age, disability, drug use etc. She asked us last time in the first interview.

During this interview she went over this again and got stuck on race. I mentioned that the child does not have to be 100% Caucasian but I would prefer that the child blend in with my family. I want to walk down the street and not have people stare at me. I want this child to feel that he/she belongs.

She was really obnoxious at this point. She made me feel terrible bc she said that most children are African american and that there are not that  many who are white It could take me up to two years to get a white child. She tried to convince me that it was not a big deal. She said it was my issue and not the child's issue. Her adopted son is white. So she really has no idea. Most of the people I know who have adopted have been able to get a child that blends in.

Please don't don't say mean things about this bc I am being brutally honest about my feelings. It is just really hard decide what you are comfortable with. Everyone has their own comfort zone. It is really hard to find someone to talk to about this honestly.