Saturday, December 27, 2014

Updates on Case #3 and # 4

Side note: I solved the mystery of the large white space.  The spacing is normal in chrome but not in firefox or IE, 

We decided to turn down a profile showing for case number 4. It was a hard decision, but it is important that DH and I agree on the case and have no regrets. The bm was very young, and wanted a lot of openness and contact through texting and phone calls. She also wanted us to have contact with the other family that she placed a child with last December. I am fine with visits bc you know how many you need to have for the year. I can commit to that. What this bm wanted was very ambiguous and it sounded like she wanted to be friends and just chat all the time. I was not comfortable with that situation. 

We are still waiting to hear from case #3. This was the one where we are one of two couples and we are waiting to interview. Her due date is in three days, on Dec 30. I am trying really hard to be patient, but it is tough since you are not sure if she will continue with the adoption plan or not. That is the first hurdle, then we have to worry about whether or not she will pick us.  We have to live our lives but we are aware that we are on call.

Everyone has been so excited for us, it is nice to have this momentum of hope around me. I know that this may not be the final case for us, but we are getting very close.  We don't have anything baby related in our house. We usually avoid the baby isle. We know that the car seat is the one thing we have to have, so I wanted to buy it now, but dh was not ready. I took DH to the store the other day to look at car seats. This was a huge step for us.  My plan is to keep exposing him to the car seats every time we go to a store that has them. 

For Christmas I gave DH The Baby Owner's Manual.  He likes to read and this book seemed like it was geared towards men.  I thought the concept was clever since you always hear people saying that babies don't come with a  manual. I hoped that this would be a fun way for him to start getting comfortable and excited about this actually happening. 

Monday, December 22, 2014

Possible Case #4

Side note. Do you see a large white space at the top between the header and the post. The past few days I have seen this and I am not sure what is going on. 

I am still waiting to hear back to see if the BM wants to reschedule or not. I am doing alright with living in the moment and not thinking about the what ifs.

I got home today and saw an email from the SW about another possoble case. The BM is due tomorrow. She is very young and is parenting two children. She placed a child for adoption last year through my agency. She wanted to place this child with the same couple but they cannot afford another adoption at this time.

She wants the two children to be able to know each other and the other couple agreed. She wants one visit a year and for us to upload photos to a website for her to see. I don't much much else. I would like to know how close the adoptive couple live.

Holy cow! I wish I had checked my email during the day so I could have called the SW and asked her questions. DH saw this during the day and never called me. I was a little annoyed. I asked him why he never called. He said that he is tired of all of this......... ugh

He wants us to reread the bio and talk it over. I told him that unless there is a major issue that sticks out, which I did not see, he should say yes. or at least call me and I can decide.

This is crazy! I am so excited..........................

Saturday, December 20, 2014

BM Meeting

I am sure that everyone is curious about how it went....................

We were both excited the night before and could not sleep. We got up at 5:30 and were ready to leave by 7 am. It was a three hour drive and our apt was at 11am so we wanted to get there on time and make sure that we allowed for getting lost, traffic etc.

We were on the road for about an hour when the SW called to tell us that the BM cancelled the meeting bc on of her kids was very sick. I was disappointed but I understood that her kids come first. We decided to just keep driving and visit my parents who live a little further down in the same direction.

On the way down, my dh had a meltdown. It was all the stuff he has been holding in for the past 8 years. At first I thought it was good for him to get some of it off of his chest but then he just kept going on and on. I think for me it was easier to separate the pain from infertility from the hope of the adoption. For him, it has just been one long painful roller coaster.

We had a good visit with my dad and I think it was a good distraction. On the way home, dh took a long nap and then we had a long talk. He is really frustrated and this part is really hard for him.

I have lots of flexibility with my job so if I have to just take off the next day, I can. His job is understanding but he has limited days off to use and dh is upset that he might have to burn his time off for nothing. We spoke about how it will be all worth it some day, but it is hard for DH to visualize that possibility. He is not a gambler by nature and does not take a lot of risks.

The SW updated us a few days later and said that they are giving the BM some space bc her kids are still sick, she is concerned about the holidays next week, she is very close to her due date. So basically we have to be ready to  run if we get a call to reschedule.

At this point, with her due date being only ten days away and Christmas in the middle, I would imagine that we might not meet until after she gives birth. At least we would have a better idea if she really wants to go through with the adoption. Then if we interview at the hospital and she picks us, we would just take the baby home which would save us a trip.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Surprise Profile Showing

Today during lunch, my DH called. He was all freaked out bc the sw called him about a possible case. He wanted to know why I didn't tell him. He gets freaked out too easily and since she was not due until April I figured there was no reason to tell him until I had more information.

Well it turns out that there was another case that I did not know about. The other SW emailed me and I never got it. She showed our profile anyway. The BM liked our profile and we are one of two couples picked.  =)

OMG................... so I had no idea that my profile was shown and now we are in the top two....... She is due Dec 30th. But she is starting to have pains and since this is her 5th pregnancy we are thinking she might go early..

We have to meet with her on Dec 17. She wants to meet her top two couples to make her decision. This is crazy. She is about 3 hours away, so it is manageable but not local. Due to her close due date this meeting could get rescheduled, so we have to try our best to remain flexible.

DH was totally freaking out. I told him that we need to say yes and just wing it.  Then he started to freak out about the fact that we have no idea how to take care of a baby and that we only have about 2 weeks to prepare. I reminded him that we have been waiting 8 years, so I'm tired of waiting. I told him that we need to take one step at a time. This is our first BM interview so we may not even get picked.

He told his coworkers and they said they would throw him a shower....  it made him feel better. I am glad that he told them, bc I think it is good for him to talk about it. He never spoke about IF to anyone bc he was too embarrassed. Now he has been using the word adoption more often. When we go out and people ask us if we have kids, he tells them that we are waiting to adopt.

I was so excited today that I could not contain myself. I want to celebrate making it to a top two even if I don't get picked. I told a few close friends and some family.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Second Possible Case

Today is the due date for that first possible case I had. I was sad today thinking about how different my day could have been. All the what ifs surrounding the possible birth.

I am not sure if I feel sad bc it was my first chance at being an adoptive parent or if I will feel this way each time I get turned down.

I finally got around to checking my email. I am old fashioned bc I like to check it on my desktop with the large screen and not the tiny screen on my phone. I was scrolling the list of messages when I saw the SW with the title possible case.

OMG I was so excited to get my second chance. So far there is nothing to go by other than the BM was 5 months along and wanted to have 2-3 visits per year. The SW wanted to know if that was ok with us. Then she was going to gather more info.

I wrote  her back  saying yes as long as she was within a few hours, I said that I assumed the BM was somewhat local or within our state. We will see what she says. Hopefully I did not ruin my chance. I hope saying "a few hours" is vague enough. I have to make this commitment so if I say I will visit 3 times a year, which is every 4 months I have to make sure that I am capable of doing so.

I also said if she was close enough we could do more than that. I am very open to visits. That is not an issue for me. When I first started I was scared of visits with the BM but after reading about how important it is for the child, I am comfortable with it.

So we will see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully the BM does not live too far, bc I would like to learn more and see if this would be a good match.

The timing would be great bc I think that would be April or May which would work out great with my teaching schedule. This would also give me time to prepare. On the other hand, she is only 5 months along so she would also have more time to think about it.