Saturday, October 1, 2011
When it rains, it pours
So with all of this stress I got a YI. UGH; Haven't had one in a long time. They are awful.... I stopped taking the folic acid and I started to take sleeping pills. I thought that those two were making me insane and I had to get myself out of this hole I fell into. I did feel much better and I did have more control of my emotions, but I was still upset and I still would cry. I think I have cried at work every day since last Thursday. So I know that I am crying bc I am personally wounded and feel betrayed.
When I spoke to the rep the other day he seemed to agree with me and I had hoped that we could come to an agreement of what would be fair for everyone. The rep came back yesterday and said that he won't budge. I asked him what the reason was. He said that the committee voted and made their decision. I asked about the fact that I was excluded from this meeting. He said that this other teacher was my representative at the meeting. REALLY? So he feels that it was ok that a room full of people did not think it was wrong to exclude me. This teacher representative did not know that she was supposed to speak for me. Her understanding was she was at that meeting every month and her role was to report back to me any important info. She does not teach math so she did not even think about her role in that. Then the rep told me to drop it bc I don't want this to get worse.
So now what do I do? If I try to file a grievance I will most like lose. Then he will make my life a living hell and I have to work there for the next 20 years. He is such a coward hiding behind the committee like that. He is the boss. He has the right to have another meeting and invite me to further discuss this. He chose not to.
I am a very good teacher bc I put my heart and soul into it. There are many others like me at my school. There are also those who get away with minimal work. Then there are the bullies in the cliques who get want they want. It is so hypocritical that we have this big anti-bully campaign for the students. We tell them not to be a bystander and to stand up for others. I am not the only adult that gets bullied at my school. My boss said "it's not my fault". Then another teacher said "it's not my responsibility to invite you". They are both being bystanders. It is not an excuse to allow it to happen. It is the same as being the one who is doing it.
I spoke to the school psychologist bc I trust her and she is fair. She is also high up on this committee. I explained to her what happened. She said that everyone thought they gave me what they thought I would want. I said that ok even if that if 100% true, when I spoke to my boss and told him I was not happy he said it was a done deal. She said that she does not have the power to make changes but she will talk to my boss to see if there is any way to reopen this discussion.
I am going to wait and see, but he is extremely stubborn so it would take a miracle to change his mind. I have to accept the fact that I lost and that he is a bystander to the bullies. If he sticks to this, then I am going to have to pull back from the extra time I spend at school. I usually volunteer an extra half hour to tutor students for free and I won't be able to do that any more. I will have to be strict about only reading emails during business hours. I will have to make a set time that I am going to leave school bc right now I am there until 5 every day when I stop getting paid at 3pm. I am not going to correct every single paper. I was bringing them home every night to finish. etc
I am going to try to look at this as a blessing in disguise bc I have always put my students first and I got slapped in the face, so now I can take back some of that time for my DH and me.
*Today for the first time, I am going to turn on anonymous comments. This is a big step for me. I am going to trust that anyone reading my blog will have the respect to write me a private message if there is something to say that might be insensitive. I have a link on the side if anyone wants to write me a private message.
Labels: not about IF