Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Step 4.5

DH called the agency and had a nice chat. He said that our online form was accepted and they are going to snail mail us the next forms for fingerprints, physicals etc after Thanksgiving. She said that this could take up to 4 months to complete.

He asked her what we could do in the meantime and she said work on our marketing. I asked him what that meant and he did not think to ask. I can't get upset bc I know how he is which means he does not ask for details.

I went on the internet and did a search. That was a bad idea bc I got overwhelmed with advertising, and I am not even at that place yet.

Then I went on pinterest and saw this photo "Keep calm and fill out the next form."  It made me laugh so I decided to post it.

When we return from Thanksgiving break we have 3 weeks of school until Christmas break.   I decided that I am going to work on my photo album over Christmas break since we have a long one this year.  I think that I have plenty to keep me busy for now.  I just want to always make sure that I am moving forward.

So right now I guess I am on step 4.5 bc I completed step 4 but I have to wait until I can start step 5.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Stuck on Step 4

 A week went by and I never heard back from the adoption agency. I called on Monday and asked if they got my online application. The woman checked her computer and said yes. She was not overly friendly, she was in business mode and I could tell she wanted to get me off the phone. I asked her what is next. She said I had to be approved but that woman has been out on vacation so she would check on Tues and get back to me.

I tried to continue the conversation so I  asked her about the next step (form, medical, fingerprints) that I had listed on my checklist. I wanted to get info so I could start doing that now. She said the forms come from the state so I cannot do them until after my online form gets approved. That was the same story with the finger prints and medical. UGH. She was not very giving with info. I still have no idea how long it will take to get approved.

I waited all week and they never called me back. UGH. Then I get an email that they posted a charge to my account. I went online to the portal and they charged me $450. I knew from my checklist that I would have to pay this amount, but I am not sure if this means I have been approved or that I have to pay this amount first before they will even look at me. It was confusing.

We decided to take a few days to calm down.  I decided to have my DH call on Monday early in the day with some specific questions.

While I am filled with  hope that some day I will bring home a baby, I am still having a hard time accepting the idea that others will judge my ability to be a parent. I am scarred from my IF and the feeling of failure has dug deep inside of me. I am fearful that I will not be good enough. I am anxious to get this investigation over with so I will know where I stand. I understand that these regulations are for the benefit of the child, but it has been hard on me personally. I am a sensitive person.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Formal Online Application Step 4

It took us about a week but we finally completed step 4 out of 18.  WOOOOHOOOO

This was the formal online application. We printed it out first to make it easier to work with. That is when I realized it was 8 pages long. I understand that they want to check us out to make sure we are fit to raise a child. I don't understand why they need to know how old my mom is or what her occupation is. Do they really need to know how many siblings I have? I had to stop and laugh bc the only question they did not ask was when I had my LMP.

At first it was no big deal. I was able to quickly type in my address, date of marriage, etc. Then after a few days of filling in personal details to prove that I am worthy, some emotions started to flare up. It is really hard to fill out a form to prove you are worthy and not think about all of the people who just pop out multiple kids and do not take care of them.  They don't have to prove anything. Even after they have a few, they are still alowed to make more.

We started to worry that we are not good enough.  Question after question started to cause more panic. They even wanted to know what medications you are taking. My dh said that they can get a list of your prescriptions so you have to be 100% honest. He is taking a medication to help him deal with all of this stress. So of course I started to panic that this would cause an issue.

I spoke to a few people and I got a mixed response. Most were supportive and told me that this was just to screen out the jerks and that we are a desirable couple due to me being a teacher. I was shocked when someone said "well you knew what you signed up for" WHAT OMG, REALLY?  Well I definitely did not sign up to be infertile. I did not sign up to beg for someone to give me their child. I signed up to be a mother.

DH and I both agreed that we have no choice so we just have to push forward and have faith. If we are not worthy, then we will cross that bridge when we come to it.  We finally hit the send button last night.

Now we wait to hear back to see if they accept my application. So far they have been really good with quick turn around time. I will give them one week before I follow up with them.

The next step is #5  "paper application, prints, medicals, fee agreement"