Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The Picnic

I have one friend who is waiting to adopt. She shared a link to a local adoptive families group. At first I was hesitant.  I finally decided to mail in my membership form and go to the next event.

The had a picnic. I asked DH to go. He said sure and we put in on the calendar. Last weekend was the big day. We showed up at a local park and saw a bunch of children playing. That is when he turns to me and asks if we will be the only ones without kids. I had no idea, so we made a plan to go and wing it.

We showed up and were instantly welcomed by the head of the group. She pointed us to the "waiting area." There were 3 other couples who were waiting. We walked over and made instant connections. It was weird but comfortable at the same time. Of the four couples two had been to the group before and two of us were first timers. We ate lunch at spoke about some things, but I also felt like there was a wall. Everyone was nice, I had to hold back tears a few times, and we never really spoke about anything too personal.

None of these couples were using my agency so at least I don;t have to worry about the awkwardness of competing. One of the couples had been waiting a long time. She did not say how long, and I thought it might be rude to ask, she just said a long time. When I went home, I found her profile online and she was the first one listed which means she had been waiting the longest.

She asked all of us if we had set up a nursery. Two said yes, two said no. I said no.  They said that their agency required them to have a pack and go and a car seat bc you might get a call last minute. I thought about the car seat, that is a good idea. DH said that you could just buy whatever you need that day.  I have not bought anything yet. Maybe once I am active.

They also mentioned having a list of names. I said I gave up thinking about names years ago. I tried to be careful and not sound negative and not cry.

I really enjoyed reaching out and talking with others going through the same crisis as me. They said that they meet once a month for coffee and are thinking about starting a men's group. I really hope they do bc dh could really use other men to talk to about this.

One woman asked us about taking infant CPR and infant care classes. The thought never crossed my mind. I guess when you are pregnant you sign up for classes like that through your hospital. She said that she was going to check places that would take group members so that we don't have to sit through all the pregnancy stuff that we don't need or can't handle.

I told her that I loved her attitude. She said that there are days when you can handle stuff like that and days that you can't. She said the same thing about this picnic. She was not sure if others could handle coming. I told her that I wanted DH to see how happy fathers are with their adopted kids.

After the picnic, I felt rejuvenated. I wanted to have what those parents had. I wanted a child and I was ready to go back into the ring.

I finally started my profile book. That was a really hard thing for me to start.  I will write about that next time.


  1. So glad you were able to make some connections with families in waiting. Waiting for an adoption to happen is a special place to be that not many understand, so it must feel good to have the support. :) Looking forward to hearing more about your profile! It's definitely a lot of work, but something you'll be proud of and treasure once it's done.

    1. PS - If you'd like me to send you a copy of our profile for reference, I'd be happy to do so. We had a sample profile from our agency that helped a lot as we were putting ours together, so I'm happy to offer ours to you! Just send me an email -- stephschweitz {at} gmail {dot} com.

  2. That is great that you were able to go and do some connecting...we don't have anything thoughts as your dh...we can get what we need that day...there's a wa.lmar.t in every town...right? Gosh...our agency told us the same could happen last minute..yeah right..somehow I am gathering that that is rare. Have fun with your profile book...I just had to do it and quite thinking about it and driving myself crazy. :)

  3. Glad you were able to make the Leap & Go. It's good to connect with others.

  4. Fantastic update! I am so glad you connected with other adoptive families and made some good friends in the process! I can imagine it was SO difficult to go to the picnic and be so nervous about what it would be about. I'd be in the same boat.
    You definitely have time (that day even) to run to Walmart and get stuff - I don't know how often it happens that it is an instant call. I would imagine that you would have a month or a few weeks, minimum, to get things set up.
    Ironically, I just read through our profile book from Luke's adoption tonight and our Dear Birthmom/Expectant Parents letter (I was cleaning out some boxes from our move a year ago ... finally). It took a lot to get the book put together, but just do a page every night / every other night. Small bites and you'll be done in no time. I'd be happy to share our profile book if you would like as well ... comment / email me and let me know. :)


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