Today I started my 6th chart. This means I have been doing napro for 2.5 years. Ugh. I have to remind myself that I have made huge gains. My charts look so nice and neat. My peak day is right around cd 14. I have the correct number of WB days, my tebb is gone etc. When I first started charting everything was a mess. Yellow stamps, TEBB, Late peak etc. So I am taking this moment to remind myself of all of the small hurdles I have jumped over even though I have still not gotten to the finish line yet.
I keep resetting my clock and wonder if I being optimistic or am I in denial? I have been trying for about 5 years total. When I started napro, I reset my clock. Then when I started immunology last year, I reset my clock. Then in February when I removed polyps I reset my clock.
This one was tough bc I talked myself back into hope. It made total sense that since this is the first time that my polyps are gone, I took meds to reduce my NK cells, meds to deal with my blood clotting, and my cycle was textbook that a miracle would happen.
When I got my BFN I was crushed but at the same time, reality hit me in the face and said duh why do you even bother??? I am trying to remain optimistic and think about my clock and that it can take a normal person 6 months. If I knew that I had the exact correct combination of meds it would be easy to wait out 6 months, but when you struggle with IF, you never know if you are doing the right thing. Every time you try something new the clock resets.
I have been selling a ton of stuff on Teachers Pay Teachers. I have been putting my focus on creating more items and advertising my store. It brings me joy and makes me feel successful. IF can make you feel like a failure so it is nice to have something to succeed at. I have also been asked to be a part of a blog tour to promote a book. That made me feel really good.