Monday, April 23, 2012

Chart Number 6

Today I started my 6th chart. This means I have been doing napro for 2.5 years. Ugh. I have to remind myself that I have made huge gains. My charts look so nice and neat. My peak day is right around cd 14. I have the correct number of WB days, my tebb is gone etc. When I first started charting everything was a mess. Yellow stamps, TEBB, Late peak etc. So I am taking this moment to remind myself of all of the small hurdles I have jumped over even though I have still not gotten to the finish line yet.

I keep resetting my clock and wonder if I being optimistic or am I in denial? I have been trying for about 5 years total. When I started napro, I reset my clock. Then when I started immunology last year, I reset my clock. Then in February when I removed polyps I reset my clock. 

This one was tough bc I talked myself back into hope. It made total sense that since this is the first time that my polyps are gone, I took meds to reduce my NK cells, meds to deal with my blood clotting, and my cycle was textbook that a miracle would happen.

When I got my BFN I was crushed but at the same time, reality hit me in the face and said duh why do you even bother??? I am trying to remain optimistic and think about my clock and that it can take a normal person 6 months. If I knew that I had the exact correct combination of meds it would be easy to wait out 6 months, but when you struggle with IF, you never know if you are doing the right thing. Every time you try something new the clock resets.

I have been selling a ton of stuff on Teachers Pay Teachers. I have been putting my focus on creating more items and advertising my store. It brings me joy and makes me feel successful. IF can make you feel like a failure so it is nice to have something to succeed at. I have also been asked to be a part of a blog tour to promote a book. That made me feel really good.


  1. I'm on chart 8 (and there were breaks for Lupron and post-op when I waited for my cycle to return). I'm almost done my chart and I will have to order a new one next cycle.

    Resetting one's TTC clock works to some extent, but our hearts remember.

  2. Ugh, I hate that starting a new chart is a reminder of the time passed for us. Glad to hear your shop is doing well!

  3. I'm only on my second chart and first reset, and my head knows all of this, but unfortunately for my heart every single "no" is a reliving of all of the previous ones. I truly can't imagine your walk and I appreciate so much of your and willingness to share your journey with us - it gives me hope that no matter what things look like in 5 years, it is possible to still have faith and grace.

  4. I really appreciate all the things you have been doing for your fertility. It is so difficult not to lose hope when you have been doing everything possible on earth! And without hope, it is impossible to keep trying for that miracle. Hope keeps us going cycle after cycle. Praying for you!

  5. I can relate to what you said about IF making you feel like a failure.

    I try to do other activities that I can feel successful at, as well. Hobbies are great for that!

  6. I'm starting my 7th chart ... and don't really remember resetting my "clock" after the surgeries ... or each new med ... I think what gets me down is the sheer number of months trying. Its overwhelming.
    I'm praying that you find that exact combo of meds and don't have to wait for a baby any longer!

  7. Sorry I have been MIA from your blog- trying to catch up- I think you are great for being so positive- I am praying for you and the right combo of meds! Sending blessings!!!


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