Sunday, October 20, 2013

New Garage Door

We bought our house ten years ago and it was a fixer upper. Every year we made a large improvement. Recently this pace had to slow down due to money being used for treatments.

My mom gave us some money last month. She said that she was probably not going to have to pay for a baby shower like she did for my sister so she wanted me to have the money.....YIKES I know. She was trying to be nice, but it still burned.  I did not tell her that I was going to start the adoption process. In fact she offered the money right around the same time. I was going to drop it all in the adoption fund, but we had been saving for awhile and I thought we could use some for ourselves now.

I decided to get a new garage door. Yep I am very excited about this. The old one was original to the house. It was rotting and the opener was totally busted. We even had to lock the door with a bicycle chain lock. It looked terrible from the outside too. Rodents were getting in without even trying.

When we realized we could afford to do it, I was so excited. It was also nice to want something and know that you can have it. It was expensive bc it was all rotted and we had to gut the whole thing out and start over. This included the door frame.

Once we moved all the stuff out of the way for them to install it, I realized that I had never in ten years painted the walls. OMG they were black with dirt. It was a nice day over the weekend, so I was able to open the door. I painted the walls bright white. It was so great. Now it looks so nice and clean. I have a keypad outside where I can open the door. It closes on its own. It is very quiet. The door locks and unlocks with the touch of a button. It is such a luxury.

I am very grateful to be able to fix this. I am trying to make sure that I stop and think about the things that I do have and not the ones that are missing from my life.

I am still giddy when I press the button to open or close the door.  I am trying to focus on being happy and living in the moment.

I have been pretty good about not staring at bellies. I caught myself a few times. I am honestly starting to be ok with this and accepting my fate. I am much happier for the moment.

When someone tells me that someone is PG or just gave birth, my response is still, ok great. But hey small baby steps.

My DH wanted one month to sit with the adoption forms and really think about this commitment. We are going to fill out the initial form this weekend. =)

Let this crazy journey begin!!!!!

5 comments:

  1. It's deffinatly good to find little joys in each day!

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  2. I have been following your blog for the past year. My daughter has been TTC for 4 years. We are very close. She is a teacher also, so naturally I was drawn to you. At first I read everything I could find on infertility so that I could "fix" her. I have learned to back off and just be supportive. I just want you to know that your blog is the most informative that I have found, and your openness and candor has been so helpful. I admire you for helping others while facing your own challenges, and I think you are a remarkable person. I wish you much happiness.

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    1. Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. This has been really hard for me. My blog has been therapeutic. I keep telling myself that my struggles are not for nothing-- that they mean something. I am glad to know that I helped you. I always get a smile when someone tells me that they like my blog. =) IF is silent struggle that makes you feel like an outcast. After awhile I stopped telling my mom about it bc it was too hard to deal. It makes me so sad to not be able to give my mom grandchildren. Most women do not understand how to supportive and they makes things worse. You can support her by listening to her frustrations and ask her what she needs. Offer to help her out in other ways that can take some stress off of her.

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  3. I don't think your mom's comment was very nice. at ALL! It truly stinks to have words from family hurt you. BUT ... you will prove her wrong - you WILL have a baby shower ... she WILL have a beautiful grandchild to hold and love... and maybe she will apologize for her comment to you. I have replayed comments that were negative from family members over and over in my head. It is hard not to.
    CONGRATS on the new garage door! It is so exciting to have new ... and new with technology!! :-D
    I'm glad you did something for YOU! God will take care of you throughout the adoption process! HE is GOOD!

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