We bought our house ten years ago and it was a fixer upper. Every year we made a large improvement. Recently this pace had to slow down due to money being used for treatments.
My mom gave us some money last month. She said that she was probably not going to have to pay for a baby shower like she did for my sister so she wanted me to have the money.....YIKES I know. She was trying to be nice, but it still burned. I did not tell her that I was going to start the adoption process. In fact she offered the money right around the same time. I was going to drop it all in the adoption fund, but we had been saving for awhile and I thought we could use some for ourselves now.
I decided to get a new garage door. Yep I am very excited about this. The old one was original to the house. It was rotting and the opener was totally busted. We even had to lock the door with a bicycle chain lock. It looked terrible from the outside too. Rodents were getting in without even trying.
When we realized we could afford to do it, I was so excited. It was also nice to want something and know that you can have it. It was expensive bc it was all rotted and we had to gut the whole thing out and start over. This included the door frame.
Once we moved all the stuff out of the way for them to install it, I realized that I had never in ten years painted the walls. OMG they were black with dirt. It was a nice day over the weekend, so I was able to open the door. I painted the walls bright white. It was so great. Now it looks so nice and clean. I have a keypad outside where I can open the door. It closes on its own. It is very quiet. The door locks and unlocks with the touch of a button. It is such a luxury.
I am very grateful to be able to fix this. I am trying to make sure that I stop and think about the things that I do have and not the ones that are missing from my life.
I am still giddy when I press the button to open or close the door. I am trying to focus on being happy and living in the moment.
I have been pretty good about not staring at bellies. I caught myself a few times. I am honestly starting to be ok with this and accepting my fate. I am much happier for the moment.
When someone tells me that someone is PG or just gave birth, my response is still, ok great. But hey small baby steps.
My DH wanted one month to sit with the adoption forms and really think about this commitment. We are going to fill out the initial form this weekend. =)
Let this crazy journey begin!!!!!