A week went by and I never heard back from the adoption agency. I called on Monday and asked if they got my online application. The woman checked her computer and said yes. She was not overly friendly, she was in business mode and I could tell she wanted to get me off the phone. I asked her what is next. She said I had to be approved but that woman has been out on vacation so she would check on Tues and get back to me.
I tried to continue the conversation so I asked her about the next step (form, medical, fingerprints) that I had listed on my checklist. I wanted to get info so I could start doing that now. She said the forms come from the state so I cannot do them until after my online form gets approved. That was the same story with the finger prints and medical. UGH. She was not very giving with info. I still have no idea how long it will take to get approved.
I waited all week and they never called me back. UGH. Then I get an email that they posted a charge to my account. I went online to the portal and they charged me $450. I knew from my checklist that I would have to pay this amount, but I am not sure if this means I have been approved or that I have to pay this amount first before they will even look at me. It was confusing.
We decided to take a few days to calm down. I decided to have my DH call on Monday early in the day with some specific questions.
While I am filled with hope that some day I will bring home a baby, I am still having a hard time accepting the idea that others will judge my ability to be a parent. I am scarred from my IF and the feeling of failure has dug deep inside of me. I am fearful that I will not be good enough. I am anxious to get this investigation over with so I will know where I stand. I understand that these regulations are for the benefit of the child, but it has been hard on me personally. I am a sensitive person.