Forms are in the Mail

We have one more form left. We have to chose a guardian. This has been difficult. First it is awkward to ask someone to be a legal guardian to a potential child that I may never have.  It could take a few years to adopt and who knows who I would want to be the guardian then. Things change.

You also have to write a paragraph stating why they would be good guardians which includes their annual income. You are asking someone to take in another mouth to feed and another college tuition. We both have life insurance so I started to make a big deal that my potential child would have money to pay for college.

I know in my heart that if something happened to both of us that a family member would just step up. When 3 of my cousins were taken away by CPS, two of my Aunts took them in. It is easy to step in when a child in front of you is in need. It is different when there is no child and no immediate need. Right now it is too abstract.

We are in the process of asking around. At the moment I am waiting to hear back from dh's sister. It has not been easy. It is hard enough to be infertile and not have children. Now the one thing in my way is that I have to find a couple who is willing to care for my possible future children. ugh

I am tired of worrying about getting it all done perfectly.  I spent the last 3 months filling out forms and worrying about being judged. On Monday, I made a photo copy at work of what I had done. Today (Saturday) I decided that I would just send in my 30 pages!  Woohoo!

My thought is that when they get the packet that should plenty to get the ball rolling. Then they will hopefully start contacting my  references, submit my application to the state office etc.The guardian form is not a requirement at this moment but it was in their packet. My thoughts are by the time they notice, I may even have someone picked out. If not, well then they can still get working on other forms while I finish it up. If I had asked them, then I am sure they would have said to wait and mail it all in at once, but now they will have 99% of the forms and it  will be too late.

I am very excited to get this far. The packet will probably arrive at the agency on Tues and then I have to wait and see how long it takes for them to contact me and see how long it will be before I have something else to do. I know that I have the home visit and the interviews still to come.

Our Essays

I am following a blog of a couple who is starting the process to adopt their second child. She found out today that she got approved and she handed in her paperwork in November. Once I read that I went into turbo mode. I told dh that we would get our essays done today. 

We went into our separate offices and started to type away. Dh was going forever while I felt like I only had a paragraph. Then he tells me that he will let me read it tomorrow while he is at work. HMMMM I asked him what the deal is. I said, well I've seen you naked and I think I know all of your secrets. We laughed and he let me read it. Well it was great. He single spaced two pages, while I had two pages double spaced. He wrote wonderful things about himself and about me. I loved it. He said he was worried that it wasn't good enough.

Then I asked him to help improve my sad essay. I did not want him to write it bc it was my homework and I wanted it to be authentic. He gave me some ideas. We had questions to answer. One of them was to name 2 key events. I only had one which was meeting dh and marrying him. 

Then he reminded me of how I wanted to go into science in HS, but then I got involved in an internship for genetic counseling. This is a place where women can test their unborn baby's DNA to see if  the baby had a genetic issue. I was happy to tour the lab and see chromosomes. When I found out that women would then decide whether or not to terminate and they wanted me to see an autopsy of a baby I bailed. 

The only option left for me was to work at the local elementary school with ESL students. I fell in love with those kids and knew that I wanted to spend my life helping kids and not working in a lab.

I am so happy to have the essays completed. Now we just have to name guardians and fill out a paragraph about why we chose them. 

I am hoping to get photocopies at work tomorrow and then mail this out by Tuesday.

Still Waiting

Last Friday was CD 24 and I started some light spotting. I thought ok AF is here. I seem to be on this long/short cycle pattern every other month. This month was supposed to be a short one. It was not really a big deal. I expected it to happen. I thought 24 days was not too bad. Then it stopped. That really annoyed me. I was like ok come on let's go and get this over with. 

Then it happened again on Sat, Sun, and Monday which is today. Now I am on CD 27. Normally this does not happen to me.  I stopped charting a long time ago, and I could not find a post about it, but I think I can only recall one other time. Usually for me once it starts it just gets going without stopping until its over. 

This is weird for me. So of course now I start to go through the whole roller coaster of emotions like maybe I'm having implantation spotting, maybe I'm pg. Maybe I should go buy a test.  Later on it became UGH maybe its menopause. Why do I still do this to myself after all  this time???

I am still very excited to become a mother through adoption. All this paperwork has been hard on me. It has been overwhelming for me.  It has been 4 months since I started the process. I know that I have to be patient but it is so tough. The gloomy, cold weather makes it worse.

We have almost all of our paperwork done. I know that I keep saying that, but we have tons of papers and I am at the point where I have to answer questions about myself and write my autobiography. ERGH, I hate writing essays. I am a math teacher. 

It is supposed to snow this week, maybe I will get lucky and get a snow day. 

Almost Done with Paperwork

I'm getting really close to finishing the current packet of papers. This was a huge one. The cover letter of this packet said to get this all done in 2 weeks. HAHAHAH It has now been 2 months.

We finally got our fingerprints done. It took longer for me to set up the online apt than it did to get them done. We both had to go and DH had to take off from work, so it was a pain to schedule.  You have to go to a special place that is approved by the state for adoption. We walked in and flashed our id cards. Then  you put your fingers on the scanner bc they are done digitally now. As she pushed each finger down I could see my prints on the screen. The form said "you will get your photo taken so dress appropriately." We dressed up but all they wanted was our faces for facial recognition. LOL. We were in and out of there in about 15 min. She said they just collect the prints and then send them to the gov agency who takes about two weeks to process them. HAHAHA I though another 2ww. Well I am at the end of that one so I emailed the social worker for the results.

We also finally got the apt for the physicals. Mine is this week and dh is next week. We have to get tested for TB and drugs. Then the Dr has to fill out a report stating that we are fit to be parents. I can't remember the last time I had a TB test. She said it is the one where they stab your arm and circle the area to see if you get a reaction. I have to go back in 2 days to get it checked.

We have a few forms left. These are the forms we have been dreading for awhile and have put them off.. They are also very personal. We have to complete auto biographies and complete a checklist of what type of child we are willing and not willing to take home. Our new goal is to get all the rest of them done by the end of the month bc that is when dh gets his physical.

FX that I can get this giant packet done and then I will drive over to the agency to hand them in.

It's Not About the Nail

In the video the man thinks he has the solution to her problem. It seem like a quick fix and looks very obvious, but she just wants him to listen. She does not want him to fix her. The moral of the story is to listen to someone who is having a problem and not try to fix it.

I though about IF and how many times I have told another person that I can't get pregnant and they want to offer advice. Even now that I tell them I am moving forward with adoption, I still get advice. I saw this and I had to post it on my blog. It made me laugh which I need right now, but it also reminded me of how people view IF. They think the solution is so easy and so obvious.

Disclaimer: I embedded the link to this video. This video is g rated. Once it is done, youtube will display other videos that it thinks you may like. I did not pick those. I have no control over what they will pick.

The Mulberry Bird

As part of my adoption preparation, I have to read books from the agency's list. One of these books was The Mulberry Bird. It is a book written to read to children. There are pictures, but I would not call it a picture book due to all of text. Being a teacher, I love books. I have crates of books in my house for my future children. Now I am sensitive to seeking out great picture books that showcase adoptive families.

My first read through had me in tears. This story is from the birth mother's view. She is a young bird without a mate. Her baby is knocked out of his nest during a storm. She is unable to make a nest on the ground and properly take care of him. She finds parenting overwhelming and realizes that she cannot take proper care of him.

She visits the wise owl who helps her choose another bird family to raise her baby. They go over the positive traits of each bird family. She chooses the shore birds and takes her baby to them. She gets to visit the baby from time to time. The baby bird thinks about what it means to be adopted.

My first impression was a good one. I thought the story was appropriate for an older child. The book cover says ages 5-10.  The language was sensitive. It gave reasons why the birth mother chose adoption, how she chose the best family, and how the baby understood the concept of being adopted.

I started to get too into the story of these birds bc most of the story is about the birth mother and I felt really sad for her loss. I went back to reread some key pages and  pick the book apart. I thought to myself why wouldn't the other birds help her? Why didn't the shore bird take in the birth mother too? Why didn't she take back the baby once he got older?

I decided that this book is about birds so we can't compare their behavior to humans. The moral of the story is that a birth mother loves her baby so much that she will chose adoption when she feels it is the best option. Adopted children have two families that work together to give them what that child needs. I think the book does a good job of showing that adoption can be a choice made out of love.

Moving on to Step 5

My DH must have sweet talked the social worker. She told him that she would mail the forms after Thanksgiving. They arrived the day before. OMG it was a huge packet. I guess you have to be careful what you wish for. I wanted to get moving on step 5 but I had no idea it would this much work.

I had to leave that packet on my table for a few days. I could not even open it up. I had a nice holiday with my DH's family. We told them about how we are working on getting approved to adopt. They were supportive.

A few days later I had a night were I could not sleep. I woke up at 4 am and decided that I would work on some forms. The checklist that was on top included about 30 items. There were  forms for basic information,  medical, fingerprints, things that we need copies of such as a marriage certificate, and agency items such as reading books, fire safety etc.

I took out all the forms and filled in  our names, addresses, DOB, etc for all of them. Even though it was kind of annoying and the teacher in me felt that it was not very organized that we had already filled out that info on the online form, I thought it would be easy for me to do at this moment and get the ball rolling.

I spent about an hour filling out basic info on these forms. Then I put them away. That was last week. There are a few forms that require more thought such as income etc that DH will have to deal with. They also wanted me to fill out my references again. UGH. Well at least I have that info on my online form. I am trying to be good and think about it as the 8 page online form was my prep/rough draft for these real forms.

We had to order a few books about adoption and then we have to go into the office to discuss them. I went to amazon to look them up and the tears started flowing. It was really hard for me. I picked out 4. Two were books to read to a child and 2 were for adults to read.

The books came in yesterday. When I opened the box and saw them. I started crying again. I am not sure why exactly. I feel sad for these children. I feel sad for the birth moms, I feel sad for me. I feel scared about feeling hope that this will happen. I have been disappointed many times.

I  read the first picture book quickly and then I moved on to a larger novel.  I read about half of it. It was really great and made me feel normal about what I am going through. This book was written for families of adoptive parents. So far it looks really great. I am thinking about sending a copy to my parents and maybe copy a few good pages for other family members.

I decided that I will do book reviews in the future and add a book list section to my blog.

It seems that this packet is my application for a home study. It will be a lot of work, but I think that this should hopefully be the bulk of the paperwork.