After SIX long years, I finally made an apt for adoption orientation. I am very excited. I finally accepted the fact that I am almost 37 and I truly want to be a mother. I have gone above and beyond to make this work and it appears that I am just not capable.
It was really hard for me to give up the dream of having a child that would be the blend of my DH and myself. To give up bonding for nine months, give up experiencing something that most women have and bond with other women too.
I had many fears of adopting but I finally decided that I have to just take a leap of faith. I feel free. I started to look on the bright side that I won't have to stretch my body out, ruin my bladder, deal with childbirth etc.
I bought some new clothes and I finally got rid of all my fat pants that I had been saving for the day that I got my BFP. When I went to Target I decided not to look at bellies anymore. I have to admit I was obsessed. I am trying not to be jealous of bumps anymore. I have been pretty good about it.
I started to tell my friends and of course the first words out of their mouths were......................
well of course you will get a BFP as soon as you adopt. ERGHHH now I know they are trying to be nice, but I finally accepted after SIX long years that I will not ever get a bfp so I don't want to hear about it. I want to move on.
When I called, the woman started asking me questions about what I wanted. (domestic vs international etc) I got a little overwhelmed. I told her that I was just starting out and I had no idea.
I feel so happy bc I think that this might actually happen some day. I used to think waiting a year was a long time. Well after waiting 6 I can handle one more.
I stopped getting the daily emails for all my IF forums. I need to start looking for adoption resources like forums etc. If anyone has any suggestions let me know.