Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Becoming Unglued

Ok so I am sorry to continue like this, but I am starting to lose my mind. I have never felt so unglued before in my life. I actually started to mention to my DH that I need to seek professional help.......
I thought it was the PMS, so AF arrived and then I felt much better about the work drama even though I am still dealing with it.

Then today I checked FB before work and saw that my cousin wrote a post about my baby sister expecting her second child........I lost it and started crying. Here is a link to more back story with her. I was so mad that my parents did not tell me or have any sympathy for me. UGHHHHHHHHH I was able to refrain from going Jerry Springer on FB bc I wanted to write something not nice. I found an article about  infertility and  how families can help those in need. I sent it to my dad and my cousin privately and then I posted the link on FB  and just said here is a good link for anyone who knows anyone going through this.

Then I went to work and started crying again....... and of course my boss saw me and probably thinks I am crying over him..... I was able to calm myself down when I saw my wonderful students. I told them to be nice to their siblings and never check fb before school.

Now I am sitting here and I am not sure what to think. I feel unglued. I am afraid to start trying ttc again. I have to start taking daily shots tonight. I have to deal with my sister. I have to deal with the work drama. My job was the one success I had and now it is coming apart. I think I am feeling worse about my IF bc I feel like a failure at work too. Getting lapped by your ungrateful super fertile younger sister does not help. Teaching was the one thing I was really good at.  I am so stressed out and then thinking about how stress is bad makes it worse.

I was supposed to have an us apt on Fri but now I have a meeting where my boss will be there.......awkward. So I have to change it to Monday. I have a meeting with the union rep tomorrow to discuss my concern about unfair workload and not being invited to the discussion. We will see.  I am freaking out about it. If this goes bad then I am going to have a mental breakdown.

Please pray for me.


  1. Oh that feeling of starting to come unglued, I honestly think it is one of the worsts parts of the IF journey. It's bad enough to struggle to have a baby, but to feel like there is no control over anything is even worse.

    You will be in my prayers.

  2. Oh man, that's awful that no one told you your sister was pg and you had to find out on fb. Just awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

    Just remember, during these tough times, that you still ARE a wonderful teacher and wife. That has not changed just because of your sister's pg or your bosses insanity!

    Hang in there. Pray pray pray and know that I will be praying for you as well.

  3. You will be in my prayers.
    I have a hate relationship with FB right now for all the pregnancy updates / postings by my SIL/MIL. Your family should have told you before you had to read it on FB. I'm so very sorry.

  4. FB sucks for pg announcements! Argh!

    I'm stepping up my prayers for you!!!


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