Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Need Advice About Sister Drama

I need some advice bc I am about to blow my top. I guess it does not help that last night I kept waking up with hot flashes so I did not sleep well. Today is  p+12 and I got a bfn. I know it is still early but ugh anway. Today is not starting off well.

If you have been following me for awhile you are well aware of my sister drama. If not, you can search my blog with the handy search box. She has ignored me for awhile now. I lost track but I think it has been 3-4 years.

Well this morning I checked my email and was surprised to see one from my sister's husband. It had a whole page of information about my father's upcoming b-day party in Sept. Basically he just starts writing about how he spoke to my mom and then tells me how we are going to split things up etc. I had suggested to my mom last month that I would send out the invites. Now he wants his contact info on it too. He wants to make a video etc.

Sounds great right? WRONG. at the end SHE signed it. So WTH does that mean?  It was so cold and callous. It was all facts. It just starts out like we are doing business. Now I am not sure who wrote it. Maybe it was both of them?

I am not sure what to do. I am really angry that she feels it is ok to ignore me and treat me like crap for years and then contact me when she wants something. She is a perfectionist and I am sure that she wants to control this too.

If she had given me one ounce of sympathy like, hey I know we have not gotten along but maybe we could do this together for dad...... then I would be ok bc I would think that this could be the start of a truce.
I know for a fact that she told my dad that she would never make up with me. So again WTH? It sounded like I was reading a contract and I had to agree to the terms.

I have tried to suppress my anger with my mom. I know that she does not have control over my sister, but I feel that she allows her to get away with it. My father has expressed that he is afraid that if he stands up to her that she will take his two and only grand kids away from him. OMG so I do not want to push it with them. But I feel that this has to stop. Why should she be allowed to ignore me? I have dealt with it for years, and I am afraid that I cannot hold it in anymore. I am about to go postal on someone about it.

Of course I don't need this extra stress in my life.  I don't want to deal with them. I just want to do my part under my mom's leadership.

I told my dh about the email and then he had to leave for work.. UGH what should I do?


  1. Sorry, this is probably lame advice/hard to follow, but here goes: take the high road. Yes, let her get away with it. You know in your heart you are right, and DH and Mom and Dad know you are right - these are the people that matter to you. She doesn't matter to you, so why prove to her she is wrong? Not worth the stress. GL!

  2. I'm not one to give advice usually, just offer prayers. I'll do certainly do that. Since you are asking though, I'd order Emmerich Vogt's tapes Detaching with Love. It is a 5 cd set for 35 dollars. I have several friends who listen to them over and over (I do too). Rachel Balducci recommended them a few years ago on the Faith and Family website. They help with keeping you in reality when dealing with people who are difficult. I agree with CS- don't worry about proving her wrong. Take from the email what you can do for the party and let her know what you can/cannot do according to what will fit into your life without sucking you dry. Get a cute outfit, say a rosary for her, put a smile on your face and attend the party enjoying the time with your father celebrating his life. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Don't get trapped in her reality. She's pulling you in. Say some prayers, sprinkle some holy water, write in your journal, put on some music- just get out of her reality that she's imposing on you and get back into your own life! It's hard- I know, believe me. God Bless you!! Keep us updated ;)

  3. I have to agree with CS and Made for Another World - take the high road, respond matter of factly to her questions and ignore any drama she throws your way. I made this decision in dealing with my family about a year ago and things are so. much. better. While they still do and say things that make me absolutely crazy, it is much shorter lived (The Man does get an earfull every now and then too!) and our relationships are actually healing. I do keep my boundaries and I have accepted that we will never have the 'picture perfect' relationships, but what we do have will be healthy for me and honestly, that is what matters most.
    Saying prayers for you!

  4. I will agree with the other ladies above. Although that was not my first thought. :) I like to be vindictive, but I don't think that will help the situation and if you didn't show up to the party, you'd only be hurting yourself. :(
    I guess if this is a "business transaction", maybe let her do most of it? I don't know ... maybe you're a little perfectionistic too (I know I am! LOL). If it bombs, then she is responsible and you will have a valid point for saying "hey, you gave me my list of things & I fulfulled all the requirements".
    I will be praying for you. I am lucky to not have a super-feud with my sister, but I did have a small feud with my younger sister for a few years. We did not get along well at ALL. Family drama is so stressful. Maybe your hubby has some good advice too?
    Let us know what you plan to do.


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